Grief does not just occur when someone has died or we have lost something precious to us and it doesn’t always just begin at the moment of death or loss. We can find ourselves grieving a long time before someone actually dies, this is known as anticipatory grief.

The grieving process can begin as we realise that we are going to lose someone or something very dear to us. A person may have been diagnosed with a life limiting illness and we know we shall have to watch them deteriorate and become seriously ill then die. Or our loved one may have dementia and we may anticipate and dread a time when they no longer recognise us, or they become a person that we no longer recognise. This can be deeply distressing.

We may not realise that we are grieving, we may feel a sense of sadness and low mood. We may feel anxious and angry. A period of anticipatory grief may last for months or even years and can be exhausting.

When caring for someone who is going to die we also have an opportunity to talk to them about their feelings and wishes and to understand what would help them to be in a good place to die. These conversations may feel incredibly challenging, but can bring a great deal of peace to those we love. Conversations may focus on where your loved one wants to be physically when they die, or on plans for their funeral or memorial service, or perhaps on how they want children to be raised and on creating memory books or boxes that can be passed on to their children.

Anticipatory grief can cause us to feel some relief when the death or loss actually occurs and this can cause some feelings of guilt. It can be a relief that we no longer have to anticipate and dread the loss anymore and we can now openly grieve and register the death and loss. There can be a sense of closure of a prolonged period of suffering for both ourselves and our loved one. It is understandable that we are relieved the suffering is now over.

When we have anticipated a death or a loss and lived through the suffering and dread, we can find that the grief afterwards takes on a different feel. We still grieve, but it may not be as raw as we have already lived through and experienced a great amount of grief already. Or it may feel as if we have grieved twice and that we are grieving for the person they were before their illness, as well as for the person they were when they died.

It can be easy to push these feelings to one side while we keep going, determined to be strong for the person we are caring for, but we cannot provide consistently high levels of support for other people when we ourselves are running on empty. It is important to acknowledge the toll that living in a period of anticipatory grief can have on us emotionally, mentally and physically, and to seek support during this time.

Grief does not just occur when someone has died or we have lost something precious to us and it doesn’t always just begin at the moment of death or loss. We can find ourselves grieving a long time before someone actually dies, this is known as anticipatory grief.

The grieving process can begin as we realise that we are going to lose someone or something very dear to us. A person may have been diagnosed with a life limiting illness and we know we shall have to watch them deteriorate and become seriously ill then die. Or our loved one may have dementia and we may anticipate and dread a time when they no longer recognise us, or they become a person that we no longer recognise. This can be deeply distressing.

We may not realise that we are grieving, we may feel a sense of sadness and low mood. We may feel anxious and angry. A period of anticipatory grief may last for months or even years and can be exhausting.

When caring for someone who is going to die we also have an opportunity to talk to them about their feelings and wishes and to understand what would help them to be in a good place to die. These conversations may feel incredibly challenging, but can bring a great deal of peace to those we love. Conversations may focus on where your loved one wants to be physically when they die, or on plans for their funeral or memorial service, or perhaps on how they want children to be raised and on creating memory books or boxes that can be passed on to their children.

Anticipatory grief can cause us to feel some relief when the death or loss actually occurs and this can cause some feelings of guilt. It can be a relief that we no longer have to anticipate and dread the loss anymore and we can now openly grieve and register the death and loss. There can be a sense of closure of a prolonged period of suffering for both ourselves and our loved one. It is understandable that we are relieved the suffering is now over.

When we have anticipated a death or a loss and lived through the suffering and dread, we can find that the grief afterwards takes on a different feel. We still grieve, but it may not be as raw as we have already lived through and experienced a great amount of grief already. Or it may feel as if we have grieved twice and that we are grieving for the person they were before their illness, as well as for the person they were when they died.

It can be easy to push these feelings to one side while we keep going, determined to be strong for the person we are caring for, but we cannot provide consistently high levels of support for other people when we ourselves are running on empty. It is important to acknowledge the toll that living in a period of anticipatory grief can have on us emotionally, mentally and physically, and to seek support during this time.

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