Being bereaved can be an extremely lonely experience. During the Coronavirus pandemic this has been made worse by the need to stay apart from friends and family. You may have been separated from work colleagues and others who you know and trust. It may also have made some of your usual sources of support hard to reach.

Isolation can make the experience and feelings of grief more intense. It can make us feel more vulnerable, especially when there is a constant stream of information about the dangers and risks, and discussion of death and dying all around us and in the media. Some have been isolated with others, making it difficult to find the space and freedom to process our feelings in their own way.

You may have been left with practical problems and things to deal with and unable to have contact with those who usually offer you support or help.

Feelings of anger and blame are common after a bereavement. This can be worse when the death is more sudden or traumatic. There may be additional reasons to feel angry when someone has died from Coronavirus. People may feel angry that someone has not been able to receive the best care, or that there were not enough controls in place, or that people took risks and weren’t careful to avoid spreading the virus. It can take time to come to terms with anger and it may add more difficulty to processing our feelings as we attempt to balance this with other emotions.

The continuing pandemic might mean we have higher than normal levels of anxiety or fear. This can be made much worse if we have lost someone to the virus. We may fear losing others, or contracting the virus ourselves.

After a traumatic loss, natural responses to the loss of someone close can be intensified and you may feel:

• shock and numbness and to have a sense of disbelief
• unable to concentrate or speak well
• tense, guarded, reluctant to talk to others
• regret, wishing you could have done or said certain things, or be preoccupied with what could have been done differently.
• guilt or shame that can be difficult to share with others
• worried about forgetting the person, the way they looked or sounded, or smelled
• troubled by distressing images or nightmares – which can lead to difficulty sleeping and physical exhaustion
• other physical symptoms: tension, pain, illnesses, digestive problems or difficulty eating
• panic or that things are out of control
• despairing and feel that life without the person you have lost is too hard to bear – these feelings can come and go, or be deep and lasting. It can be hard to imagine feeling differently
• Existing mental health conditions may be made worse or new ones triggered by your loss

Bereavement can be personally devastating. It can shake the foundations of your life.  It is not a sign of failure to suffer these problems.

It is important to take extra care of yourself; reach out to people you trust and let them know you need support – it is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Complicated or traumatic loss and grief can be more difficult to come through, and you may wonder whether you need extra support. Bereavement support can help to restore some mental wellbeing and enable you to continue to move through your grieving process.

It may be appropriate to seek support if after a period of around 4 weeks you are experiencing:

• Reactions to your loss staying the same or worsening
• Flashbacks, nightmares of what happened, or what you imagine happened
• Feeling numb and being unable to feel positive
• Constantly thinking about what has happened and being unable to think of other things
• Being unable to eat or sleep normally
• Having suicidal thoughts

N.B. The above is a guide only – if you have any feelings or reasons to think you may need urgent help you should seek immediate support.